Monday, August 20, 2012


About a month ago my spouse and I got into a great big nasty fight.  It was one of those that started out about ONE thing, but then each of us dragged in old wrongdoings, a few character assassinations and soon enough, it was a great big throw down.

And it all started as an argument about loading the dishwasher.

HE has a firm belief that the dishwasher rack tines that are given to us (by the men of science who created them) are all going the WRONG way.  The dishes and bowls need to face DOWN towards the bottom of the washer, says he, or else they just won't get clean.

If you are of HIS school of thought, you will fit about six dinner plates and one bowl into each dishwashing load.  Which is annoying.  I don't even feel I need to be patronizing here and tell you WHY this is annoying.  We all know why.

Tonight I gazed down to see the bottom rack, 3/4 full with only four dinner plates...and that was the last straw.  I pulled up the Bosch website and together we watched a video on how to load the dishwasher correctly.

And, as the truth was revealed, I did a little gloating pee pee dance.  (Without the pee.)

I LOVE BEING RIGHT.  I'm aware that I've been known to be dramatic, but this time I'm being totally serious: there is NO ONE IN THESE FIFTY UNITED STATES who professes expertise on more topics without any basis of knowledge or experience to back his claims than my dear and beloved husband.  One time he looked at a Christmas tree at the mall and told me what year the tree started to sprout from seedling.  1953, he said.  1955 at the latest, he said.  And then he crossed his arms, widened his stance, and squinted at it one last time with authority.

I'll quietly lose my mind in moments such as these...hopelessly adrift on a never-ending sea of bullhonky.  But had I been armed with a hacksaw that night?  I would have cut through that tree on the spot just to count the rings with my own two eyes.

I've had lots of those kinds of moments.  14 years of them, to be exact.  And nine times out of ten, there's no hacksaw or manual or internet video to prove him wrong.  But not tonight, my friends.  Tonight I have the manual, the internet, the youtube videos and THE ENTIRE TEAM OF GERMAN ENGINEERS FROM BOSCH ON MY SIDE!  I'm glowing from within, I tell you.

He just left to go play basketball with his buddies and I have been busy texting him screenshots from the Bosch manual, as well as photos from a recent Bosch Engineering convention (I assume you were there, honey...oh're NOT a German dishwasher engineer??)  It's so gloriously obnoxious.  I'm enjoying myself immensely.


reenybean said...

Good for you! Nothing more satisfying than a just and much deserved gloat. Enjoy!

Margot Bohlin said...

But you certainly agree, as do hotels worldwide, on the correct way to spool toilet paper and paper towels, right?